- "The Coopers. The Stepfords of Riverdale. High school sweethearts, who got married, and had two beautiful daughters, Polly and Betty. Until Jason Blossom happened."
- —Jughead Jones
THE BEST LAID PLANS — As Fred and his crew are about to start construction he loses his crew, which could put his livelihood in jeopardy. Wanting to help his dad, Archie and his friends pitch in to help but after one of them is attacked, the gang comes up with a plan that lands them in Southside Serpent territory. With Jughead’s secret revealed, he is worried about how his friends will react. Meanwhile, Veronica and Betty suggest throwing Polly a baby shower to make her feel better, but Polly is hesitant knowing how everyone feels.
- Archie: "War is hell, Jug."
- Jughead: "[scoffs] No, Archie. Hell is other people."
- ―Archie and Jughead play videogames
- Fred: "You settling in, Jug?"
- Jughead: "Oh, completely. It's like Archie and I are just roommates in a college dorm."
- Fred: "Oh, great, what does that make me, the RA?"
- Archie: "No, you're the third roomate."
- ―Archie, Fred and Jughead living together
- "The Blossoms, and the Coopers, in our pre-war apartment, it'll be a bloodbath! They've been Hatfields and McCoys since long before Polly was pregnant."
- —Hermione warns Veronica of the Blossom-Cooper feud
- Betty: "You're sweet to be here, I know this isn't exactly your scene."
- Jughead: "What? Organizing a baby shower? It's totally on my bucket list."
- ―Betty to Jughead at Polly's baby shower
- Rose Blossom: "This necklace reads the baby's aura, predicts the sex."
- Cheryl: "Nana has dementia and gypsy blood."
- Rose: "Oh!"
- Polly: "What?! Is my baby okay?"
- Rose: "Babies. It's twins. One of each."
- Alice: "This is occultism at its most ludicrous."
- ―Rose Blossom uses a crystal to predict the sex of Polly's baby
- Jughead: "Did you have anything to do with Jason Blossom's death?"
- FP Jones: "You really think I could do that?"
- Jughead: "It's the dark ages dad, I don't really know what to think anymore."
- FP: "I'm not a perfect father, Jughead, no getting around that but, I'm no killer."
- ―Jughead confronts his father
- The title for this chapter is named after the S. E. Hinton coming-of-age novel which in turn was adapted into the 1983 film.
- Archie and Valerie begin dating this episode.